Insomnia and Sleep Scarcity Thoughts that contribute to indulgent behavior


I have had insomnia since i was a teen. The occurrences are very unpredictable but on nights when it happens, I do not feel rested when the alarm goes off. Over the years I have modified my behavior to try to force sleep by doing things like drinking more and taking sedatives from benedryl to benzodiazepines. I also allow my mind to worry about if tonight will be a bad night and then what happens is I lose out on my present moments, stewing about something that hasn’t even happened yet. The “morning afters” aren’t really that bad once I get moving, just unpleasant to wake up in the middle of a REM cycle. I would like to change how I see my insomnia. I have studied it at length and understand that its natural as a human to wake up in the middle of the night for a few hours. I have also changed my schedule in my life so that I have fewer mornings I am REQUIRED to get up before my body is ready. I know that i can do more thought work that replaces these scarcity thoughts, but going straight to ” I have enough sleep to feel refreshed” is completely unbelievable. Here is a model I have developed.
Unintentional:
Circumstance: There is a decent chance I will wake up in the middle of the night tonight and be awake for 2-3 hours.
Thoughts: I really don’t want to get up tired tomorrow morning.
Feelings: fatigued before it even happens
Actions: drink more, sedate myself, be stingy with my time with my family/husband
Result: I am tired even before I have insomnia and I continue the cycle of scarcity.

Intentional
Circumstance: There is a decent chance I will wake up in the middle of the night tonight and be awake for 2-3 hours.
Thoughts: ?????????
Feelings: abundance of rest and renewal for my mind and body
Actions: indulgent behavior no longer allowed, I have good sleep hygiene that still includes some insomnia but now insomnia is my friend.