Intense Overwhelm

Hi, I am sorry about the length of this, I thought context would be helpful.
I joined SCS in October as a way of both helping me to loose weight and to manage my mind for better physical and mental health. I was really hesitant about joining as I wasn’t sure I would have the time due to my poor health to make the level of commitment I knew I would want to. This results from the fact that I have been very unwell with a neuro-immune and endocrinological disorder for 4.5 years now, and in 2017 my health was the worst it has ever been and I spent over 75% of my time house and bed bound due to constant health relapses, at these times I have no ability to focus or concentrate and very limited time in any week where I feel well enough to be either physically or mentally active. The worst thing for me at these times is to push myself or spend much time on a computer or be mentally “busy” as it always delays recovery or causes further relapse. However, at these times I always experience a great deal of mental stress worrying about both my health and not getting essential chores and projects done, and not having any time to spend with my kids, this is all exacerbated by the very poor sleep my health problems result in. I always find my mind far more anxious and overwhelmed when I am chronically sleep deprived, the brain just can’t function optimally on very little sleep. So there I am getting nothing done as too ill, worrying about both being too ill and getting nothing done, which makes my health worse! (I know!) However, I then had a small period of time (about 3 weeks) in August when I felt some significant improvement due to managing my mind more effectively in terms of not constantly being over anxious about my illness, but practicing more acceptance and calming the mind. I also decided to ignore all chores and projects that were not absolutely essential for the summer period when the kids were off school, and I am sure this mental relief helped my health. I knew deep down this was the path through which I would find healing. I had also successfully given up drinking alcohol on January 7th 2017 (just celebrated my 1 year and am super proud of myself), and was following a healthy eating protocol for healing which excluded flour and sugar as well as trans fats processed food alcohol and dairy. So when I became aware of scholars and what it offered I could see that it would really help to support and encourage the mindset and lifestyle choices I was already making. However my big concern was that as my health has been so unpredictable for so many years, whereby I never know from one day to the next if I will have a significant symptom flare up or relapse, and pushing myself always causes a relapse, planning my activity in advance to fulfil my responsibilities in life (as a wife, mother of 3, volunteer and running home business) often makes me feel calm initially as I can see a way forward in getting things done, but then when I am unable to meet those commitments due to poor health I become more anxious and overwhelmed. I will have a couple of days feeling better and will enthusiastically start planning out my month aheads schedule of chores and projects as well as knowing when I have to meet my other family responsibilities, and then suddenly I will have a health crash and can’t do any of it, and will feel so frustrated and like a failure, and part of me thinks what’s the point of making any plans, I can never stick to, and having these plans and not being able to do them just adds to the overwhelm! This happened in October just after I had joined scholars in that I caught a severe secondary illness and had a very sustained relapse for the rest of the year. I did manage to attend all the calls I wanted to in October but by November and December I was just too unwell and although I did manage to go through all of the over eating videos, I didn’t manage to complete any of the daily homework. I also listened to a lot of podcasts. Essentially I have got very behind with projects for several years now due to crappy health, and when I do feel better I want to save some energy for my kids. But I also have personal goals that are really important to me that help me too be a better mother/wife (such as loose weight/ manage my mind/rebuild my physical fitness/start seeing some friends/re-build my business/sort out the house) etc, and I am just feeling so overwhelmed by how much there is to do, alongside the knowledge that I have to build in regular mental rest and calm time as part of my recovery plan. I have listened to the podcast on overwhelm, but it hasn’t really helped, I “get” what you are saying intellectually, but I haven’t been able to make it work for me. I have done a model today Unintentional thought pattern C- Stuff to do, personal, work, home/family, SCS T -there is so much to do, such a huge backlog, I don’t know where to start, I will never get it done, if I try to do to much it will threaten my health, F- Overwhelmed A- procrastinate, panic, unfocused moving from task to task R- very slow progress not much productivity. Intentional thought pattern C- Stuff to do, personal, work, family, home, SCS T- All in good time F- Calm A-Identify priorities, choose a task take action and stay focused. R- Huge increase in productivity. The problem is I just don’t believe it! I love being organised and planning my time/schedule, so I do that, then start panicking about how much there is to do and deep down worrying I could be in bed again with little warning and I feel paralysed overwhelmed and anxious. How do I believe the new thought pattern? What else can I do to reframe these beliefs? My reality is that long term health issues mean there is a lot I have not been able to focus on or do for a very long time now, but there is also a lot to do to help myself get well and start meeting my obligations at home more reliably?