Intentional vs Unintentional Model Follow Up Question


I asked the recent question titled “Intentional vs Unintentional Model” I have a follow up.

What IF I don’t feel (using that loosely here) there is an intentional thought to counteract the unintentional? What if based on the example used about “he is always right mentality” is really a problem. It is not that I feel like I am right but that he talks like he knows best & treats others like he is above them? Is there a way to make an intentional model around this that really helps me? I don’t want to justify his behavior, just accept it because that is who he is, so I can move forward.

In other words, I get that he is an adult, he acts how he acts, I have spent many years hoping he would change & now with coaching I am learning he will not change but I can change how I think about him. It has been a constant cycle of ups and downs, so how do I take the unintentional thoughts and really create intentional ones I can believe because in my mind, I just feel like when we are trying to create intentional models to turn around an unintentional model, we are justifying behavior or trying to make it ok to stay because we can change how we think? But that doesn’t change how he treats people. I know that is not the point of the exercise & Brooke says that doesn’t mean you should stay, but why does it feel that way to me? Like I am trying to justify how he yells at our son and call him names? Or talks down to me? etc.

Hopefully it makes sense. I might be digging myself way too deep into a hole here with all of my thoughts.