I had a coaching call just a while ago but we were not able to proceed totally with it because of issues in the connection. Which i am very sorry for.
Im now trying to coach myself to a better way to handle this. So im now taking it all out of my brain and judging myself without holding anything back.
Somehow my brain wanted to go its usual route of wanting to beat myself up because it thinks it is so embarrassing to waste the time of the other person, i should have tried that spot first so i know if it is working or not, the other person might be thinking negatively of me (of course just my thoughts), im so stupid, i need to cancel my other coaching schedule and dont schedule anymore since this might happen again, i will just humiliate myself more, dont ever connect with anybody again you will just embarrass yourself, etc etc (and my thoughts are getting worse). And in my mind what makes it worst is that i cant even apologize to my coach directly (thinking that somehow if only i can apologize directly everything will be better)
I want to be okay with what happened and take it is as a learning experience. Instead of making it a reason to beat myself up and be on a downward spiral of negativity. Im trying to look for better thoughts to think that i will be able to believe. Can you help me with this?
Right now it just feels like im wrestling myself to stop thinking negatively and wanting to buffer with food, games or anything that will take my mind of this event that im thinking is humiliating. Thought i know that after the buffering i will still be thinking of this the same way as im thinking about it now so i just wanted to just tackle this on head first so i can be done with it. Help!