“Think about how you define intimacy for yourself. Is it physical closeness? Emotional connection? Both?”
For me, intimacy is when I invite the person in my life thinking of him, imagining what he is doing, thinking about what I would like to share about what I’m doing, thinking about what we will do in the future, thinking that he is thinking of me and caring for me. So yeah, this is just thinking! Very eye-opening…
Then intimacy is sharing, talking, having conversations, and also being close physically but I guess this is just the A-line of the model.
I wondered which thoughts could create intimacy for me: we have a special bond / special connection, he is the one I care for, I want to feel close to him, I want to be with him, I want to know him better, I want to know everything about him, I want to feel intimate with him.
I also observe that I have the underlying beliefs: “I can’t be happy in a relationship.” “I ruin any relationship I’m involved in.”
My parents had a dramatic love story and I think that I will also fail at being happy in any relationship. It’s like they are the example I have to follow even if I don’t want to. Then I see all my previous relationships. I consider I had ruined them, and that I will ruin my previous relationship, and that it will continue if I’m in a new relationship in the future.
I guess this is a huge obstacle to do anything to improve my relationship with my husband.