I’ve had a coaching session.
The coach said to me to do a thought download about “What does it mean to feel intimacy with your husband? What is it that you want to feel intimate.”

She said: “If you have a manual for your husband to follow, it’s not going to happen. You can create intimacy with your husband in your mind, if you choose that. You may not want that. ”

I definitely have a manual for my husband to create intimacy with him. I’d like that we could kiss, that he would say I love you, that he would make compliments, that we could talk about our feelings, that we could share stories from our past, share messages, that we could talk about sex, and that we could have more time for our sexual life. I’d also want to go to couple therapy with him.

I’ve asked him about that, but he doesn’t want to do those things. That’s really ok with me. I really accept it from him, but I guess I don’t want to feel intimate with him. I’ve tried to change my thoughts about him but it made only things worst, I felt really depressed and frustrated.

Right now, I also feel frustrated because I don’t want to feel intimate with him, and I’d like to feel intimate in my marriage.
Is it that frustration is part of a marriage?

I keep obsessing about another guy, but I was already doing that in other relationship where I felt really intimate with my partner. So I guess I will always feel frustrated and obsess about other guys, no matter what?
I feel stuck, even if I know this is a thought and I could think “I’m never stuck”.