Intimacy dynamic


Hi

My man & I have 2 young kids & have been together 11 years. He works night shift & I work 4 days. He is 1 2 yrs older than me & has a history of depression/drug abuse & was using heroin for some time during our relationship/family life. Before this we had beautiful healthy chemistry & an amazing sex life. His drug abuse had a massive impact on our trust & intimacy amongst other things. Since his personal recovery & our relationship recovery I have consciously chosen to re-cultivate my attraction for him as I made a decision to continue forwards & rebuild our beautiful family – and we have done so with huge strength. However I find I have little to no sexual desire for him & haven’t for about 4 years. Even though we have intimacy a few times a month, he can feel it. We have cycles of deep connection but inevitably return to this very uncomfortable place where he needs more &I am reluctant (usually “too tired”). I know I can change my thoughts about it because I’ve helped save our relationship through changing my thoughts about him over the last few years. But this feels hard and frustrating.
Here’s my model so far:

C – Partner
T – I don’t want him to feel rejected
F – Guilt
A – Avoid by staying up doing other things or have sex anyway.
R – Lack connection, feel uncomfortable and guilty

Thanks for your time 🙂