Intimacy is really hard for me. I’ve always been in relationships that lacked the intimacy that I wanted, but I’ve chosen those relationships. I’ve been looking for a partner and I do meet emotionally available men, but I always feel suffocated by their availability and feel like intimacy with them is going to be a huge overwhelming burden. I start to feel trapped pretty early on and tend to bail pretty early in since I don’t want to lead anyone on into thinking that I can provide the intimacy that they’re able to provide me.

As soon as past relationships felt too close for me, I panicked and my mind found a way to mess things up and the other person broke it off with me. Most of the time, I feel comfortable alone and I wonder about having a relationship, but then shy away from really trying to engage in one. I find something wrong with all the guys that I talk to, inevitably, and move on. I’m really frightened of being vulnerable and I don’t really know how to change that. Any time I think about sticking with a relationship, I feel overwhelmed like I’m white knuckling it. This feels so uncomfortable for me that I leave the relationship.