So, I’ve got some hang ups about calling myself a coach. I’m worried that I’m not going to be able to make money as a coach, or that I’m being delusional for wanting to quit my job where I’m making $250K+ to start a coaching business, and I’m generally feeling that my ego is very attached to the idea of being “successful”.

I’ve also tried to add to the model a bit, so instead of just going from “unintentional model” to “intentional model”, I’ve added in a process to “integrate the feelings”, or the parts of myself that are feeling hurt, since I think this is important.

Some of my thoughts: I’m so scared that my coaching business won’t be successful. I’m afraid I won’t be respected, or that I will look like a fool. I wish I weren’t so worried about being a success, or being concerned about what other people think of me. I REALLY want other people to respect me, and to know I am successful because I feel like that’s kind of “all I have”. I guess I can see that I don’t really value myself just for being myself, I value myself for what I produce. What the heck am I supposed to do with this realization? I think I WANT to value me for being me, but the truth is that I don’t. It kind of reminds me of when Brooke says she “wants to want to stop drinking”, but she doesn’t want to stop drinking.

C
T I want to want to value myself for being, not for my level of success
F Kind of open, kind of discouraged
A Do a ton of research
R End up even more confused as there are no straight answers, I guess proving that I still don’t value myself for being

Can someone help me out here? How do I believe something new when I actually don’t believe it? Any advice from Brooke’s stop overdrinking stuff, maybe?

I guess the thoughts that come up with respect to this model are things like “but I DON’T value me for me. I have to be successful, I really want respect from other people. I NEED this external validation, I AM smart and successful and I need you to know it!”

So, I can see that this is an “inner critic” or something happening here, like a wounded part of me is talking. I can see that I am completely relating to it in this moment. I *think* I can address this part of me with compassion, and I *think* there IS a part of me that does value me for me, that believes in my intrinsic worth, and who believes that it is possible to thrive without external validation. This part just feels much smaller than the part that believes I NEED the external validation.

I guess I can get to this:

T There IS a part of me who believes in my intrinsic worth
F A little better

T It’s probably possible that I could strengthen the part of me that believes in my intrinsic worth
F A little better still

T Other people have been able to strengthen the part of themselves that believes in their intrinsic worth
F A little better still

T Wouldn’t it be nice if it were easy to strengthen the part of me that believes in my intrinsic worth
F Open, ease
A I would calm down, and be a bit more open to the possibility that I could value my intrinsic worth, I’d stop searching on the internet like crazy to try and find the solution to all my problems, I’d be very gentle with myself
R i don’t exactly know, but it would be nice if I were easily able to find a way to strengthen my belief in my intrinsic worth!

Sorry this is so long…