Invalidating feelings – part 1

Lately I’ve been noticing how my current partner and mother have similar traits. T: They invalidate and ignore my feelings. My response tends to be to get louder. Become annoying. Negative attention to see if my feelings can be heard. (Actions)

T: How to respond when someone invalidates me? Say ouchy don’t do that. Or simply move away. No longer chase or try. This person is in angst with me. Staying close will cause me more self esteem issues. (Actions)

To survive my mother and current partner I become a chameleon. Tell them what they want to hear. I am surviving. Reality is I need to stop seeking that external validation from them!!! And automatically think and know they can’t handle me sharing emotions. They are not safe.

Please help where do I start not being in pain and seeking more pain from people that are not willing or capable. Share resources on external validation vs. Internal. Why is that so broken in me around these 2 individuals?

Show me a model please from this and what angle I can choose to start working on. Any replays I could listen to that has this topic in mind. Is that searchable?

Thoughts I want to think … but not yet believe!!! (can you help me ladder them?)
– I have my own back / confident
– I can stop desiring validation / strong will
– I know what I want in a healthy relationship / secured