I was having a moderately positive thought download this morning and then spiraled into obsessive thoughts about the possibility of my husband dying and not being in a supportive, safe place if that were to happen and he’s not ill, he just mentioned the other day that he’ll be 60 in a few years. And I also tend to obsess over things like accidents and random acts of violence. So sometimes I actually freak out when he just goes to the store that he’s going to come back.
My initial thought download is this
C:I have a husband
T: He’s going to die.
A: Panic. Make myself miserable preparing for possible death
R: I make myself miserable and I still have no control over when he dies or doesn’t.
I’ve tried on Thoughts like “I’m lucky to get to love him right now” but that only gave me a sense of urgency and “creepiness” like I now have to spend every moment with him.
The best thought I’ve had is “I’m going to be fine no matter what happens.” But I don’t quite believe it.