Is coaching helping?

TD: I had a really good coaching session last week. This week after my session, I just feel worse. I’ve been having anxiety, mild depression, negative self-talk, and a lack of motivation for my job search. It’s like I don’t believe that my future can be positive, and I don’t want to start. I want to stay small and not try hard things. I think I will fail in my future job and my financial goals aren’t possible for me. The coach suggested I do the ‘How to Enjoy Being You’ workbook, so I started taking notes on the session. I usually feel better after sessions, but this time I feel like the coach was annoyed with me, I’m not doing this right, and l should be experiencing better results after being in the program for 3-4 months.

C: Coaching session ended, I have thoughts and feelings
T: I shouldn’t feel upset after coaching
F: Frustrated, sad, discouraged
A: Stop doing the workbook, think about what has gone wrong, do models, think about ways I am not good enough
R: I feel upset after coaching

C: Coaching session
T: I feel worse than before
F: Sad, disappointed, discouraged
A: Think about how I am doing thought work wrong, think about how I disappointed the coach and am not presenting myself well. Wonder if thought work is a waste of time if I am not feeling better, think that something has gone wrong, blame myself for my thoughts and feelings
R: I make myself feel worse than before

C: Coaching
T: This just feels like more criticism
F: Stubborn
A: Shut down, don’t think critically, judge myself for not doing the session ‘right’, buy into my own story about being a victim and not able to move forward, focus on the negative, avoid doing the work to feel better
R: I criticize myself

C: Coaching
T: I am allowed to feel however I feel in the moment
F: Relief
A: Soothe myself, let myself feel my feelings, stop thinking I should be in a different place than I am, stop thinking the coaching should have been different, recognize that I don’t have to do a super long workbook right now, as I have other things planned for the day, let myself be where I am right now, stop thinking something has gone wrong.
R: I accept my feelings with less judgment

C: Coaching
T: I can take responsibility for my own negative thoughts
F: Relief
A: Stop worrying about doing the coaching session ‘wrong’, forgive myself for having unmanaged thoughts and feelings, forgive the coach for not fitting into my model, don’t make it mean I’m bad at thought work, do my model and get on with my day
R: I take responsibility for my thoughts and feelings

C: Procrastinating on job search
T: I should be looking for jobs
F: Self-doubt
A: Do other things besides job search, think about how jobs may not work out, don’t follow a schedule, avoid researching places to work, think about negative things that could happen in the future, worry about money, buffer with food and Netflix, do things around the house instead of looking for jobs
R: I avoid looking for jobs

C: Job search
T: I don’t have to look for jobs if I don’t want to
F: Mild Panic
A: Think about bad things that could happen, remember not to take things so seriously, explore why I don’t want to look for jobs, take deep breaths, consider scheduling time to look for jobs, work on the work I have to do
R: I get to choose my job search, or not

C: Job search
T: What would an ideal job even look like?
F: Curious
A: Think about what I am really looking for in a job, stop placing so much weight on doing the ‘right thing’, get grounded and plan for my job search, let myself imaging positive outcomes, disrupt my negative thoughts, open to new ideas I haven’t thought of

Any feedback is appreciated.