I am up four pounds, I think because I went out to an Indian restaurant and stuff is loaded with sodium. I was conscious about what I planned to eat, but the scale doesn’t seem to care.

I’m not freaking out – I know the scale is up because of what I ate, and this is not a problem – it is just what I think about it. So that’s a welcome thought.

Here is exactly what happened:

Woke up. Stepped on the scale. Thought “shit”, then talked to my brain to feel more neutral about it (“we have had fluctuations like this before, how interesting how our body reacts to different foods”) and felt better. Got my morning coffee and sat down. Thoughts: “My face feels too round, I’m gonna get a double chin. My arms are flabby. My boobs are too big.”

Now, I think that these thoughts are triggered by circumstances. As I sit here on the couch, I really DO think I can sense extra fullness in my face, or jiggle in my arms. I feel those physical sensations, and then I have thoughts about them. Similar to if I had a very real sensation of “headache”, I would have thoughts about that headache.

I know that fat is not a feeling. Is it, like:

C: notice the lower portion of my face and chin feels rounded (or, notice that the top of my arms feels jiggly)
T: My face is fat and I’m not gonna be able to reverse this
F: Doom
A: Touch my chin area to see if it feels too big, analyze my body in the mirror, basically I analyze the crap out of my body trying to see if it actually IS any different. (These actions are almost a compulsion to relieve the anxiety of the feeling. It’s truly fascinating).

I’m not looking to rush out of this model yet, I can feel doom. What really helps me right now is reminding myself, in all situations with all feelings is that “I am feeling this way because of something I’m thinking”. I feel this way because of a thought. I think, for now, that’s my new intentional model. No rush.

But yes I’m still open to any feedback on my model. Thank you.