I am struggling with choosing to think different thoughts in relationships, especially when some thoughts seem to intuitive. Is there even such a thing?
For example, when a partner is acting suddenly strange or you suspect they are lying, or that they are distant, or just “off”…. and then you find out they were being dishonest, or had in fact been having doubts and later ended the relationship.
In that case, when having the thought that a partner is being distant and trying to change this to a more neutral thought, are we ignoring evidence (or our gut feeling), or letting them off the hook, or trying to pretend that everything is fine? Or by keeping the negative thought, do we end up acting in a way that then creates more distance in the relationship, therefore creating the unwanted (but suspected) result of an ended or failed relationship?
Here’s my model:
C: New guy I was dating lied about his whereabouts early in the relationship and started showing less interest (texting less frequently, not calling, etc..)
T: New guy is not trustworthy, unsure of this person and their intentions
F: Anxious, feeling that this new relationship will end soon
A: Be more questioning in conversations, not really acting like myself, perhaps demonstrating more insecurities, etc..
R: New guy cancels date last minute and disappears
Since the R outcome was out my control, to what extent did my F line end up coming true because this was going to happen anyway or because my brain wanted to be right?