Is it abuse?

I have been with my husband for 10 years. A few weeks ago he called me fat. This was not an interpretation or something he might have said. His words were “I dont want the kids to be fat like you”. I have a history of bulimia and yo-yo dieting which I broke a few years ago and although I am not a size 1 like I was when we started dating I do feel better about having freed myself from those patterns. I am in this program to stop overeating and get to a loving place with myself and food.

At the time I was in a different coaching program and when I told the coach what happened with my husband he said that it was abuse. My question is is this abuse? How do I know If I am in an abusive relationship? How do you know when you meed to just fix yourself or there is nothing left in the relationship to fix? There are many other things I dont agree with that he says for example that everything in the house is my responsibility because I am a woman (I am basically a femenist and dont agree with any of this-yet I give in do everything at home). He says That I need to do everything for the kids since I am their mother- and I do. So part of me thinks its my own fault for enabling him and doing everything at home. At this point I would like clarity on how to determine if I want to stay in this relationship and how to move forward in a healthy way for me (whether its with this person or not).