I am loving SCS and applying the model but I get stuck around some questions w my husband and parenting.

Prior to having a kiddo, I’d say I was a “good mate.” No – an excellent mate! My husband would agree! Live and let live and support each other’s dreams and love love love. For over a decade.

Then, after having a kid, I have a story and a manual that I feel really stuck around. Somehow, I can’t seem to easily grasp the model and the application of boundaries and consequences etc around this issue with my husband and his behavior after our kiddo arrived. It’s like when I threw a kid into the mix, using the model seems harder. I find myself thinking, “But with a KID involved, don’t I get to have some expectations?”

It’s hard for me to understand boundaries with parenting with someone too – in terms of how to identify if a boundary is needed vs me just wanting a circumstance to change…

Here’s an example: husband agreed that when we had a kid he would be around more and help financially
After I had a baby, he was still gone out of state for 3.5 months for FUN
Since I was not one to hold someone back from their passions (he is a professional athlete and paraglider) I did not usually say “no” when he asked to go. I was also a new mom (I never even babysat before) so I also did not clearly know what kind of support I would need.
I had many healthy nice discussions asking him to be around more since we had a baby and I need more support. I am working full-time and am the primary breadwinner. However, we kept having arguments about it since he had this idea he was around as much as me, when he was gone 3.5 months without even including weekend trips or the daily paragliding trips where he was gone over 1/2 day.

I finally wrote a contract clearly laying out that he could “only” paraglide 4 days a week and that he needed to be home 2 days a week for family dinner. Plus some other items (yes, a literal manual). If he didn’t sign it, I was going to have us meet with a mediator and talk about separation since it was too hard for me to parent alone so much, and I’d rather pay a nanny to do all these things than argue with my husband to do it.

He signed it and has stuck to it since.

Was this “wrong” of me? It seemed he was not getting what “being around more” meant, and I had to be that clear with him and give him an actual manual! I was coming from a place of love when I gave it to him. I was just done having an argument about it every time.

I guess I also want to know when I was a mom with a newborn, what boundary could I have established in this situation to prevent it getting to the point it did?

Thanks in advance <3