Is it really about sex?

Dear Brooke,
I am the “regular” person (not a life coach) who introduced myself to you (and hugged you) at the Dallas modelthon last week. You commented on my great hair. Lol. Short-ish story is…I am 53, work full time as a doctor, mother of 4, marathoner, boxer, etc…My initials are BA and Bad Ass is really my nickname. As a scholar, I have realized that my overworking, overdrinking, overspending, over-everything is buffering. Why? Because I haven’t had sex with my husband of 25 years in 3 years. WTF? Having been pregnant 6 times, 4 babies…years of getting preg, being preg, breastfeeding,…years of no libido; I turned him down repeatedly. Now, when my libido has returned, he has said that it’s difficult for him to have sex with me because he has seen babies come out of my vagina; sees me more as a mother than a lover…WHO SAYS THAT? I am typically blunt, no-nonsense, “tell it like it is” kind of person, but I am unable to address this with him. I sweep it under the rug and continue in this sexless marriage. I have suggested marital counseling, but he refuses. You and the other VIP scholars are the only ones in on this embarrassing aspect of my life; I haven’t even told my closest friends. Instead of having an affair, I get my “thrill” from buying things or just being “extra”. I like that it gets me attention from both men and women.
So…here goes…I am not sure if my problem is that he won’t have sex with me, or that I feel unable to talk to him about it? Why am I afraid to talk to him? Do I need separate models? for “no sex” and “I cannot talk to my husband?”
C-my husband won’t have sex with me
T-I am damn hot, fit and smart, who wouldn’t want to have sex with me?
F-resentful, hurt
A-buy crap, over drink, over work, repeat
R-still not having sex but now with nice purses and jewelry

C-my husband won’t have sex with me
T-he is a good father and husband otherwise and obviously has his own issues that I cannot control
A-love unconditionally
R-still not having sex but not angry?
Please help!