I feel so conflicted. I have struggled with eating disorders and messed up relationships with food for my whole life. There seem to be two schools of thought around this.

One that says to focus on intuitive eating, and to eat what your body wants and to completely drop diet culture. That we should except where our body is at, and drop the desire to change it.

I feel like what we do in scholars is different. We have a protocol and we stick to it no matter what. I can’t fully discern if my protocol is coming from my highest self, or from my ego. And scholars, we pick a weight that’s even lower than what we think we can attain. We weight ourselves everyday, and deal with what stories the mind is coming up with.

I’m just having a hard time reconciling this. I love the scholars way, it feels in powering. But when my urges come up, they immediately start talking about that intuitive eating paradigm, telling me that what we’re doing in scholar isn’t sustainable or healthy and that it feeds into diet culture.

I don’t want to eat things I don’t believe are healthy, like sugar or flour. I want to be able To have freedom around my desire for food. But how do I overcome the voice in my head that tells me this is unhealthy and restrictive and I might as well just binge and see I have urges to binge because I’m restricting myself so go ahead and eat, and then I start all over again tomorrow.

I have a hard time overcoming that voice telling me this is unhealthy.

C urge “voice” tells me that following strict protocol is unhealthy and unsustainable and that I should accept my body as it is
T nothing I ever do works. I can’t win. I’m screwed.
F desire for food
A eat
R ensure that nothing I ever do works and that I can’t win.

What’s another thought I can have when the urge voice tells me that stuff?

C urge “voice” tells me that following strict protocol is unhealthy and unsustainable and that I should accept my body as it is
T oh that’s the voice of my ego. Let’s see how it tries to trick me into abandoning my plan.
F curiosity
A listen to the urge voice without acting on it
R I hear what the urge is saying without acting on it, unraveling it’s strategy to get me to abandon my plan.

Open to feedback. I’m having a really tough time with the urge voice. It’s convincing me to eat by finding loopholes in my story.