I am new to SCS (and loving it!), and I need a bit of guidance on something I am trying to grasp in the model. I understand the value of changing our thoughts to ones that better serve us. My question is how to navigate the line between changing thoughts so that they better serve us vs “settling.” For example, if someone is in an unhealthy situation (abuse, being taken for granted, overworking to an unhealthy level etc), where in the model does the decision to leave the said situation vs changing the thoughts about the situation take place? Or does changing the thought not necessarily mean you are sticking with the situation, but instead is allowing you to be more empowered in the situation to take the action that best serves you? I am hoping this makes sense, as I’m finding it hard to articulate:) I wonder if I am assuming that changing the thought means you are also “ok” with the circumstance that is objectively unhealthy.
Maybe if I give an example:
Often in the videos it’s referred to the model working even with really horrible situations, like abuse. In an example of emotional/verbal abuse would it be:
C: partner says things
T: I am not loveable
F: lonely, disempowered
A: withdraw, isolate
R: true self doesn’t shine through and feel even more unloveable
So an intentional thought could be:
T: partner must be stressed out
A: doesn’t take it personally
R: can see situation for what it is instead of letting it affect self worth
In this example, changing the negative thought still allows the option to leave the unhealthy situation, but there is a much healthier response to the situation in the moment and in the long-term.
Is this correct? I get confused because in many of the examples it is turning it around to accept and like the situation, and in the case of these more unhealthy situations I hit a wall…
Or what about if someone wants to be with someone (or thinks they do) but deep down they may not actually want that?
I remember in the HTFB videos there was a woman who wanted to stay in Marin instead of move for her fiancee. She said she really did want to be with her partner, but what if she didn’t? Where in the model does it help her to discover what she really wants and get clarity, vs changing her thoughts to allow her to be more happy in a situation that….maybe deep down she doesn’t want to be in?
Thank you for your time in explaining this!