Is this the ONE I asked for?


After the painful and necessary awakening to the fact that my survival brain had created a fantasy about a friend and attached to him with the desire for romance just as my brain created a fantasy about my father, then realizing all the guys I dated before were the same pattern of guys I wasn’t attracted to but who were nice (and kind of boring), I wrote a list describing my ideal scenario.

Months later, this past week, my sister made me re-download bumble and the first person I started talking to was the first person I could keep a conversation with on Bumble for days. We’ve gone on three dates over the past week and half. He checks off everything on my list, which is strange because after our first date, when I went to journal, I randomly opened to the page where I had written the exact description. He fits everything, including physical traits, except being Christian, which I’ve left open, as I don’t think I require that from a partner.

One thing I’m noticing I like least about him are his scarce thoughts about money, which are a result of his circumstances and his thought model. He also plays video games and I have so much judgment about that for a 27 year old. But I love how much he’s socially aware and passionate about what he studies and passionate about something so niche for a future PhD he wants to pursue.

I think he might be the one? But I’m also worried that I will meet someone who is all this person is AND Christian (which would make my life easier or maybe not) AND who has abundant money beliefs. I’ve had to confront my own money beliefs so that could also be me projecting my judgment of myself onto him. The other thing is that I’m realizing I really never wanna be romantic with my friend who my survival brain had created a fantasy about, but I’m catching some thoughts that I want me to be in a relationship because he now is too. These are not dominant thoughts and I consciously am in no rush to be in any relationship and even with this new person I met, I’ve been thinking if I don’t like how it goes, I have nothing tying me to him.

As I write this, I think this guy might be the one. He’s so respectful and calm and has the sweetest face and respects my boundaries. I have yet to met someone who is all that and wants a lifestyle similar to mine. I feel no rush, but peace, although my mother and sister are not on my side given he isn’t Christian.

What thoughts am I not aware of here? If I stop going on dates with this new guy I met for the reasons I mentioned (money beliefs or family opposition), I really don’t like my reasons for doing so. I guess I’ve just answered myself.

I’m just scared. Lots is coming up from previous relationships or parent relationship. What if it doesn’t work? and to answer that, I’d have my back if it doesn’t.
What am I not seeing here?

Thank you!