Issues with my hair

I’ve been going gray for a while and my thoughts about that have really sucked the motivation out of doing anything nice with my hair. I drag myself to dye it, resent the money I spend on hair dye and the time I spend to dye my hair, procrastinate about dyeing it, beat myself for not having the courage to go gray, hate when my roots grow out, throw my hair up in a bun and don’t even brush or shampoo it. I just wish my hair would go away. I’ve been neglecting it. Every time I see more gray, I can’t make myself find it attractive. My thoughts about my gray hair are almost always negative. Funnily, I think it’s beautiful on other women, but aging and unflattering on me. Plus, I don’t want to be seen as old or discriminated against in my workplace, but I hate the time, effort, and money it takes to dye it. I feel like my hair is taking me away from all kinds of things in my life. I used to love how naturally black and shiny it was. I loved wearing it down. At this stage, I find it a liability. Every time I get a cute haircut, I think to myself it will only be a matter of time before the gray roots make it look like a terrible, disheveled haircut. I’m having so much drama with my hair and I don’t know if I want to take care of it or not. Most days I do nothing with it. I feel like hiding. This is very dramatic, I know.