It doesn’t matter, no one will know

I sneak food like I am 10 years old and I’m hiding from my mother. As I type this I am remembering being in the house and in the pantry and my Mom is in the other room talking on the phone to her best friend. I can feel the feelings I felt when I was being sneaky, hiding from her and grabbing the chips or peanut butter cups and running away. She always knew I was doing it. The food would disappear and she would tell me I was fat and need to lose weight. But as I was doing it I would be thinking “it doesn’t matter”

C Cookie
T It doesn’t matter, no one will know
F sneaky
A eat the cookie
R everyone knows because they know the food is gone and can see my body and the extra weight on it.

Another thought I would have is…
C My body
T I don’t want people to see my fat body
F anxious
A wear baggy clothes
R people can see the size of my body

Whenever I have an urge to eat a cookie or chips or anything, I have the same thought “it doesn’t matter”. I’m still that 10 yr old sneaking food and hiding.