It’s So Hard To Be So Self Aware Is It Ever Going To Be Naturally Happening

I have been in scholar for almost a year – I see a lot of progress in my life except in my marriage – we fight over every single thing in our new house.  I’m constantly upset and in victim mentality.  I regret that afterwards and we both start apologizing and nothing changes. I’m aware that it’s my job and I’m human and that’s normal – I just feel so tired from all this – fight, silence, sleeping in other room, mentally divorcing, thought downloading, modeling, modeling, modeling – Is there something I don’t get ???

We are so good on distance, then bum 💥- one little comment, him being him and it sends me back to spiral. I am asking myself if I’m addicted to this feeling of being a victim, punishing him with my silence treatment, but just realized that I actually prefer this – this way I won’t feel pain and won’t be upset if that happens again, which it will many times in our lives.

I entertain the idea that I don’t even go on vacation together that’s coming up. I don’t want another divorce, he is great man, hot looking, caring.  I just don’t accept his faults and don’t know how to improve in this. Thank you.