I have had the same boss for 2 years now. She is wonderful and capable in so many ways and I feel grateful to have her as a supervisor. At the same time, I find myself feeling anxious for our weekly 1-1 meetings every, single week. I know my anxiety is caused by my thoughts. I’ve run models on my boss and I see that my thoughts around:
1. Desiring her approval,
2. Fearing that I show up as anxious awkward at our meetings
3. Fearing that I will lose my job
drive these feelings of dread and anxiety about our meetings. I’ve worked models and seen that these thoughts are not useful to me (or her, or my work) but I still have them. I still find myself wanting her approval/thinking I don’t have it. I am wondering why I’m staying stuck here. Why do I keep wanting her approval? Why do I keep choosing to believe that she’s doesn’t approve of me week after week? I know that I should answer these questions for myself and I will do that in my self-coaching, but I’m frustrated with myself for staying stuck here and wondering if there’s another way I can approach this. I have worked intentional models where I frame our meetings as a way of being of service to our work community and that’s where I want to go.
Thanks in advance for your coaching!