30 years later, thinking one day I could earn his trust once he sees I’m not like the other girls. All this has done is created a monster. I’ve been passive and submissive, always people pleasing, and I’m now mentally exhausted. I’m angry at myself that I’m almost 50 and now just speaking up about it.

I do not want a divorce; we’ve built so much life together and will soon have 5 grandkids. I wanted to grow old together but disgusted by his jealousy.  We get invited to do things with friends, he doesn’t want to go (they’re his friends) then will mention he doesn’t like the way a guy looks at me or someone’s trying to flirt with me. I’ve never cheated mentally or physically and don’t deserve to be treated this way. It’s embarrassing to make up excuses why we’re not attending.

His pessimism, negativity and controlling personality is exhausting. He’s about 100 lbs overweight and I truly believe it has a lot to do with it. However, that’s not my problem and I can’t fix it for him.

I’ve mentioned the podcasts that I listen to, and he thinks that’s what’s causing our fights. I tell him that it shares how good mental health can be for people. He says it’s gibberish. I quit.  At this point it seems divorcing is the only way to feel light and free.