So, I feel pretty bad about this and am very glad that this question thing is anonymous.
But I got into a little, minor disagreement with a friend last night and I’m finding myself really judging her. I feel like on some level, I’m doing that to make myself feel superior, maybe? She has been distant with me today, and I’m irritated by it, having thoughts like “she freaked out when I didn’t talk to her much when I was literally on vacation with another person, and now she just disappears and doesn’t say anything and that’s just supposed to be fine?” The thoughts I’m having about her aren’t nice, and they aren’t even relevant to what our disagreement was about.
I am thinking that she spends way too much money that she doesn’t have, that she hasn’t earned her right to go on a nice vacation, nicer than mine even though I make way more money than her, that she should stop eating so much junk food if she wants to lose weight, that she should stop talking about all the shit food she eats and just clean up her diet instead of analyzing what food intolerance she might have, that she’s lazy, that she sleeps in too late, her house is a disaster, and I don’t think that the way she pursues men is going to get her what she wants. I like this person! I’m not interested in judging myself for judging her, but I would like to get a little bit of peace around this.
Why would I think such things of my friend? It makes me feel like I don’t even like her, but I do! Is this normal?
I can see that I have a manual for her. While I sometimes think I don’t expect her to follow my manual, I’m certainly not thinking very nice thoughts about her for living her own life how she sees fit.