Judging Others And Making a Good Decision

I know when you are judging others, it is a reflection of what you see in yourself right ?? But what would I be reflecting in myself?

My son was at his friend’s house for his 18th birthday last night. The aunt got her nephew (my son’s friend) a present of a “house on the beach for a weekend in 2 weeks” — it’s in my local area. My son wants to know if can go in 2 weeks. My first thought was what is wrong with this woman? Why would she get her nephew this present – clearly she must not be a parent. Now I realize others might see this as the most wonderful present. I’m thinking why in the world would anyone do this – now I have to look like the bad parent and say no or let him go and hope for the best and possibly if things go on that wouldn’t be good, look like the stupid parent that let her son go — I’m sure my son is going to feel even lamer to his friend because I’m going to not want him to go. I’m a parent that does not want my son to go because I have no idea what is going to go on in this house with no parents there.

This decision also is stemming from just a few weeks ago. I walk in my son’s room and I was in disbelief of what I saw my son doing – he was vaping (not the kind where there is smoke not that that matters). He had no idea I saw him because he was playing video games with his mom friends virtually – yelling at the screen with headphones on as I saw him pull a small device out of his pocket and breathe it in a few times as I was standing there. I called him but he didn’t even hear me and in shock I shut the door and had to digest what I just saw. A few minutes later he must of realized I was standing there because I left the door open and came downstairs. I said, “I can’t unsee what I just saw.” He admitted it and said how sorry he was and he started to cry prob because he knew how disappointed I was in him – threw it out immediately and we had a long talk about other things that it could lead to and also him going to college in September and responsibilities, and other things this can lead to. We talked, he cried, I cried and hugged. I am just shocked because I would of never believed he would do that. My insides are still in the feeling of mistrust and worry at the same time and now I distrust everything he does.

He promised he would never do it again — I also understand that my husband already so this stuff in his room when he was cleaning it out to paint 2 months ago so he already didn’t stand by his word with him so I can’t trust even more.

I understand he will do things I don’t want or approve of. I said, “Well now you broke my trust and it would take a long time to get it back.”

But now my eyes were opened to even more possibilities of things I wouldn’t want him to be involved in. I’m still his mom and he lives in my house and I could still tell him and guide him to what I prefer.

Ok back to present — so I have no idea how I’m gonna handle this beach house situation. Honestly I find something odd about his friend that doesn’t sit in my gut right. — judgment … his parents and aunt — judgment. Now am I judging my son for not making good decisions ?? Am I judging myself for not being a good parent — what am I judging about myself when I judge his aunt for getting him that present ?

I’m going to look like the parent that doesn’t allow her son to do anything trying to control his every move. I’m already saying I don’t trust him to make good decisions — and now I don’t after what happened. But I know even before this situation I wouldn’t want him to go. This is going to be no supervision. So how do I make a good decision about this. I just talked to my husband (he’s in a different location with work) and he says the same thing like, “What is wrong with these parents?”  He said he could go for the day and come home. What questions should I ask myself or how can I have a conversation with my son where he doesn’t take this that I don’t let him do
anything ? I don’t know how to handle this as a good parent trying to guide him in a good direction. Do I let him go and do whatever he wants (which may or may not be anything really bad but I have no idea really). And then there is also corona ? Like did anyone forget about that.

I know there is no right or wrong decision and you can’t tell me what to do although I wish you could lol. Please tell me how I can come to peace with the decision I make but also how to talk to him about it in a loving and not controlling way .