Just joined scholars – help with TD

I just joined Scholars and I am really enjoying all the literature I have gone through. I am excited to see what’s to come over the next few months. I have been having trouble with my thought downloads and finally got all this to come out after a week or so of trying to watch my thoughts. Am I on the right track here? Now I just need to put the negative thoughts into models????

Why do I want to be skinny? To feel better? I can do that now. Maybe I don’t have to be skinny, but I don’t want to be dependent on food any more. I don’t want to go to a party and just focus on the snacks and then tell myself I am being judged because I’ve eaten more snacks than anyone else. I want pleasure from life, not from “artificial sweeteners”, which I use to buffer, or “Escape from Reality”. I tell myself I’ll only ever be accepted if I am skinny. I remember asking a friend if all she saw when she looked at me was a fat person. Of course, she said NO, and the crazy thing was I believed her. She wasn’t lying I could tell in her expressions. So WHY is that all I See?? That’s not really all I see. I see a beautiful mom who loves her children more than life itself, I see a smart woman, that could do much more if she weren’t afraid to try. I know I can lose weight I’ve done it before; however I always stop myself to go back to the “artificial” life. Now that I know the truth about this, will I give them up for healthy emotions and life? I don’t want to have mental clarity issues, diabetes, I don’t want a flabby stomach. Being skinny will not make me happy. I am on the journey to fix my thoughts to be 50/50! I want to feel emotions. I want to have a larger vocabulary for my feelings. I want to feel fantastic, excited, elated, determined, angry, sad, exhausted, content…. This list goes on and on. I will do the work to get there. I won’t stop until I get the results I want.