i still did not get the Unintentional Model. i hate to be stuck feeling that i cannot go on make good Intentional Models just because i did not master Unintentional Models. i understand what is done when one works through Unintentional Models = to tap into those whatevers in our sphere of existence.

Before signing into SCS = This recent past i became aware of a historical truth about my life. Here is the long winded explanation = All my life was characterised by being framed. i saw this all along. To the extent that i have always been a severely guarded person. i choose extreme psychological restraint and wore it like a badge of honour. People compliment how that i walk circumspectly. Oh yes, i did / do. It has done me well. i arrived at many safe places and alive.

Recently, February 2020 i began to counsel with a woman. i found it easy to talk to here about those things of awareness. She shows value for me a whole lot. 1. i asked our son if he knew anyone that breaks curses. He mentioned her along with his measure of caution about her. i had no objection based on what our son said. 2. i contacted woman and was pleased. Even her physical environment is characterised by a sense of feeling sunrise. 3. It turned out that our daughter is married into her family. These details make us more than bonded together. There was sense of belonging. it is nice to have a family member that you are on the same page. This caused our life to go places far beyond beyond.

Yes, i can share my crazy crazy with her. I ventured to dig into that sense of being framed that characterised my life. We talked about it prayed about it.

Here is what i uncover. Yes, my brother always told me stories. Yes my brother always told me stories that he told me before. My brother is 10 years older than me. He raised me as a father unto me. He still treats me like his little princess. And so he told me another one of stories that he told me before. Yes, i heard him use the expression before. The difference is that i heard him this time then asked him meaning of the word.

My brother mentioned before that our grandfather Hari Kari. That meant nothing to me all along. It was not even some thing that i heard in a noteworthy manner. This time i asked about grandfather because i am doing the family tree on Ancestry .com.

The story is that grandfather was framed. The son stole money from his father make it seem as if grandfather the employee did it. Grandfather felt shamed. He choose honour by Hari Kari.

Here is something that i saw through all along for most all of my life. i think that this happened before i was born. i can also see how this would impact making my own father unable to be a father unto me. No one told me the story. Even my brother telling me over the years was not a form of telling me the story. It was just his retelling of things. My brother did his best. That is how he could handle.

i imagine that this happened before i was born. (i do not know).

The unintentional model helps us to become aware of what is happening. i did not get the hang of doing unintentional models.

i am doing Intentional models

C line He did not grab the phone from me. Notes to reader He = my husband. This incident is fresh right now today

T line i did not hear that announced over the phone line so Notes to reader = i did not hear the church announced the limited attendance.

F line feel that it is my duty to say something Notes to reader i feel that i have equal duty to accurate information in the church.

A line i did not give him the phone. i did not let him grab the phone from me. i called to inform our deacon that the Governor announced on Thursday that 25 people in building. And yes, i am going to observe to see what they do with the information now that i know that i informed them of what i know. i also told her that they should verify from their source of information not just go by my word.

R line they were not aware of that information (this is adequate result. i called just to be sure that they are informed). i thought that they have a source of such information. Now i am free regardless of what they do with the information. How they handle the information will also impact how i continue to relate to them anyway. i do not think / see that they exercise any responsibility for the impact of their conduct on the lives of the vulnerable ones that are in their footprints. And i feel responsible to communicate this to them. i have a voice. Having a voice carries a responsibility to speak for those who are not able to speak for themselves.

Notes to reader = we are in very crucial situation. The situation is also impacting our lives as two individuals in our own home together. This is not a suicide pact. Here there are already culmination of things that impacted. Going forward are also things impacting. i am alive and kicking. i have a role to play. Yes, wisdom indicates that i would make sure that i survive and it is not unfair to really hope to land without a scratch. BUT there is reality of a collective. There is a corporate body.

My husband read the information to me. He did not want me to inform the church. Our human condition is the sum total of us as a group of people. Yes, the others fail me. Yes, my husband fail me. Yes, the way that my husband acts impacts the sum total of the failure. It is still a fact that one person can make a world of difference. There was one Mohandas Ghandi. There was one Moses. There was one apostle Paul. One person can make the world of difference. This is not a suicide pact. This is not after the cataclysmic crash. This is still the going in for the fall and one still never knows how it will end. i still have the cognisance. i can still make one more decision. There is still the hope that everything could turn out well after all.

I am all in and staying all in as long as it is in my power to do so. There is a lot that is grossly unfair. This is it. This is where life has me right this moment. i am responsible for this moment and its outcome.