Opportunity to go to lunch with hubby. He offers we just stay home and eat, saves money, because we may need it this week. I got sooo upset, and explained why I was upset. Then I cried for a long time. Then I wrote it all down. Writing all the different thoughts is helpful as they all do give a different feeling. SOOO INTERESTING.
C:Let’s stay home and eat
T: I’m not worth $10? F: Worthless
T: Ugh soo boring F: Annoyed
T: Ok, I will just eat my veggies F: Frustrated
T: I’m fat, so its probably best we just eat at home F: Disgusted
R:Having compassion for myself to see why I am crying sooo hard because of this little thing.
A thought I like T: We can go to lunch and I can eat to a +2 because I have control over what I eat.
Journal: Feel like we always have to say no when an opportunity arises that we have time and childcare to actually go out, or have some fun, we always have to say no, because we don’t have enough. Not enough to put kids in the school we want, not enough to celebrate our 10 year anniversary the way we want, no enough to go to the beach, or the river, or take 1 damn trip, not enough to live and adventure, just enough to get by. NO WONDER we feel like we are not enough, no wonder I feel worthless. Need to make more money?