I’m currently in the Coach Certification Program and love all that I am learning.
But … we had our first Practicum last week and my coaching didn’t meet my own goals, let alone the standards for certification.
I’m discouraged. I’m beating myself up. I’m watching the replay and really disliking my questions, lack of questions, and overall NOT “neutral” listening to the client (peer).
It’s a thought loop for me right now. Enough so, that I’m actually getting crying (alone), am sick to my stomach, and feel nauseous. For more than 5 days now.
Here is what I think my unintentional model is right now:
C: First Practicum in Coach Certification
T: I am going continue to “fail” in so many ways.
A: Rereading feedback from peers and Coach. Rewatching the playback. Feeling sick. Crying. Talking to my husband over and over about my fears. Losing motivation in other areas of my life. Ruminating that I am “less than” what I originally thought of myself.
R: Fear next Practicum and even future evaluations in program. Worry about next class and facing my peers again.