Kids before marriage

I’m married with 4 kids. My husband and I dated for six years before we had our daughter. He still didn’t want to get married. Then I got pregnant with Baby #2, and he proposed when he was 7 months old. I’m trying to do mindset work around this and I’m not sure where to go from here? I’m not a mind reader, but I’m also not an idiot. He didn’t marry me the six years we dated for a reason. I’m not in denial about this.

He obviously married me because we have children. He’s an amazing father and decent husband – but I’m still very resentful and to be honest.  I don’t think I can recover. I don’t think I’ll ever believe he married me because he loves me and wants to be with me. I’ve asked myself why it’s a problem? And I answer that question with : of course it’s a fucking problem. I’m a catch- I don’t need to spend my life with someone who doesn’t appreciate me.

C- married AFTER 2 kids
T-he only married me because we have kids
F- shitty
A- think about how I should not have gotten married, feel moments of regret
R- have an attitude in the marriage off and on.

Obviously the healthiest choice would likely be to be a good wife and mom and not obsess over the past. But I keep thinking about it. I honestly don’t know if I can’t.  I know I’ll be told I can CHOOSE to, but it honestly doesn’t feel that way. That feels like a lie.