I know, I KNOW it’s me that is making me feel so negative.

I KNOW THIS! I can just model the living daylights out of it. I find myself ashamed of my thoughts. I don’t want to be indulging, and I know that is exactly what I’m doing. Lost 50 pounds last year and have kept it off, just from understanding that I was buffering, and stopping.
Except now I feel terrible. I’m thinking that I won’t be able to do the things I want to do. I’m thinking that no matter how much weight I lose, I still look bent and crippled. (this is true and usually it’s okay but sometimes it just isn’t) I’m thinking that my negativity and sense of failure is permanent, and any Positive Intentional Thought I cook up is just fluff – my mind knows better. I’m a very accomplished person, but it seems like I can’t do anything anymore except feel bad. I do the work I get paid for (I teach online) and I’m very grateful for the work, but I come to it grudgingly and I can tell. I’m sure my students can tell too. I feel like an idiot for thinking I could build a business when I can’t even manage myself. I’ve written this question about fourteen times but I keep deleting it because I feel so bad about having it. But, I decided to submit it this time.
Thank you for your fabulous self. I will love you forever.- Lila