How do you know if it’s your thought patterns and being a negative person or if it’s really an appropriate response?

Hi Brooke, This is my first month. I have not been able to attend any of the live calls due to traveling.

I am working through the programs and the homework and here is my question.

Based on what I am learning, I can change my thought patterns and by doing so I can justify pretty much anything and make it be alright.

For example, my boyfriend lives with me in my house and does not really pay any bills for the house or rent etc. It’s been going on for a very long time. This makes me angry and feel taken advantage of.

Now, I can change my thought pattern to say – I am able to afford the bills on my own and he can’t, so I’m helping him with a place to live, etc. until he can contribute. And that will make me feel helpful and kind.

But, is that appropriate? How do you know when your initial (albeit negative) response is the appropriate response. To continue the above scenario. He can not afford to help me because he spends money on things I consider to be wasteful and un-necessary.

Again, I can come up with some thought pattern to be ok with the way I feel because of his behavior (just because I think they are un-necessary, obviously he doesn’t)- but should I?

I hope I’m explaining this correctly. this is just a minor example but hopefully got my point across.

I guess my concern is by constantly changing the way we react to the way other people treat us, are we setting ourselves up to be disrespected, walked on, a panzie, etc.?

How do we change our thoughts but then at the same time, explain that the behavior itself is unacceptable? or are those two things exclusive. And how do we consciously determine if it’s us going to old patterns of being negative and something we SHOULD change or if it’s something that we really should be having a negative thought about?

Thank you very much for any help you can give.