Lack vs Abundance/Love

This is so painful. I can hardly even look at this model, because it seems so true.

C: Friends, relations, parents, new people
T: I don’t want to be the poor friend/daughter/person
F: Sad, resistant
A: Isolate, not show up to friends, overeat, not make money, take bananas from work, not apply for jobs.
R: Be poor in friendships and relationships

My friends have always been AMAZING at accepting who and what and where I am and always accommodating to my financial situation… I made that mean I was less than and I feared my thoughts and emotions of feeling unworthy. So I just created distance… As I am working on abundance I never realized my self-perception was keeping me in lack.

I am so sad… I created this. I am willing to see differently, I am willing to take responsibility. I know that this model reflects a part of me that is more self-focused vs the thought “I love them unconditionally”…. and maybe it’s more about accepting myself and allowing myself and creating the financial situation I desire. Which I am trying and doing…But I have cut myself off a lot and I am ready to let this thought of “I am the poor friend” go…

Help appreciated. Thank you.