Ladder thought for not being responsible for husband’s feelings

While I logically get the concept of “emotional adulthood,” I am nowhere close to being able to believe the thought that “I am not responsible for my husband’s feelings.” As a ladder thought, I have tried “I cannot control my husband’s feelings,” which gets some purchase, but I can feel that I don’t really believe it either.

I don’t know if I have this thought from internalizing so many years of being told that I am the one whose fault it is when he gets angry, or from a separate belief that what I say truly does influence other people’s emotions. Perhaps I am getting stuck on the difference between “influencing,” and “being responsible for.”

Anyhow, could you suggest some other ladder thoughts to get to “I am not responsible for my husband’s feelings?”