Ladder thought for not being responsible for husband’s feelings


Hi-
While I logically get the concept of “emotional adulthood,” I am nowhere close to being able to believe the thought that “I am not responsible for my husband’s feelings.” As a ladder thought, I have tried “I cannot control my husband’s feelings,” which gets some purchase, but I can feel that I don’t really believe it either.

I don’t know if I have this thought from internalizing so many years of being told that I am the one whose fault it is when he gets angry, or from a separate belief that what I say truly does influence other people’s emotions. Perhaps I am getting stuck on the difference between “influencing,” and “being responsible for.”

Anyhow, could you suggest some other ladder thoughts to get to “I am not responsible for my husband’s feelings?”

Thanks!