I keep choosing the same things even though I believe each day it will be different and I’m figuring it out. I stop beating myself up, I believe now that I’m not broken just that my brain has followed the same pattern so long it will take time to get it right and I talk myself up, I believe it, I do well, until I don’t.
I am disheartened every time I end up back at the same weight but maybe a pound or two more. I joined scholars in September primarily for weight loss. I am constraining. I listened to everything including master class till that went away when 2.0 was launched and now I’m waiting for myself to be VIP so that I’ll have it back, in the meantime I re-listened to all weight loss material. I practice daily. I start over all the time and do not use my past against me: this time I will get it and I’m excited. Then I don’t. I do not move forward trying anything else I want to use scholars for because this is my biggest/most prominent issue and I want so much to move beyond this. I listen to the podcasts. I believe. I have not made any progress because I just keep choosing to eat flour and sugar even though I will ALLOW fifteen to twenty urges a day…one will come and I choose not to even though I see it coming, I try to slow it down, I feel compelled and unable to choose differently and then my choices snowball. Allowing feels like allowing but there are so many urges I never seem to be able to keep going all day. I am about to stop spending all this money as I’ve been given all the tools and yet I have still not been able to choose the way that will serve me. Please, I really do get the thinking, I just can’t take failing over and over again. Is there any more help for me. Is there something else I can try? I can’t seem to get clean from flour and sugar long enough to make progress.