leave me first


Hello,
I’ve noticed a pattern. Guys leave me first – at least that is what I’m telling myself at the moment. Even if I’m thinking that it might not be working out, they tell me first.
Recently this happened with two situations.
1) I was dating a guy, liked parts of it, not other parts of it. Attempted it and I thought I had nice convos with him about it. Next day, he emailed me how much he enjoyed being with me but that he didn’t know what to do, so we would take a break. I felt relieved, but also sad.
2) I reconnected with previous BF – saw him a bit, communicated about about desires if we date, communicated some more. Didn’t feel it was happening. Yesterday, I wanted to talk with him, even drafted text message that it seems not happening and I’m going to start dating. I tried to connect with him by phone first (we do not live in same city), decided to wait to send text try to talk instead. That evening he sent me an email better that we be friends. Again, I feel a bit free, but also sad, and rejected. In both cases, rejected.

C: SO says better we be friends, someone dating says break then stops communication.
T:
F: rejected and sad
A: wonder what is wrong with me, tell myself I keep messing up by not letting them go first (even if timing close) – really down on myself for this one and convinced I’m somehow defective. Think about getting back going with dating. Thinking I have to practice rejecting people first, but that doesn’t feel good either. Think I’m just moving on too quickly.
R: I’m still convinced there is something wrong with me? Or think I have to practice rejecting people???