Leaving longtime affair because he doesn’t leave his family


I’m in an almost 7-year relationship with a man who has a girlfriend and a son (6). I’m divorced and have 2 kids on my own. For many years he keeps telling me he wants to be with me, but just hasn’t been able to make the move and separate from his girlfriend. He says it’s because of his son. I have been going through ups and downs with this. I tried to break up with him several times before but always decided to go back and try, hoping that maybe he would come around. Well, he didn’t. And I don’t believe he ever will nor do I trust his words. I do have feelings for him and I love being with him, but I also feel extremely low and worthless waiting for him.

I know I have a decision to make and basically I did. I told him that I don’t want this relationship anymore. Still it’s so hard for me to actually take this step. He keeps contacting me. He keeps telling me he can’t let me go because he loves me but still he can’t leave his family. And he turns it around and tells me that he doesn’t know how to take the next step when I keep telling him I don’t want this relationship anymore. He wants me to wait until he feels safe enough to leave his family, but he has no idea when this will be.

I feel like I just want him to get out of my life so I can finally move on. I am so angry and hurt. Most of all, I’m angry at myself for going back to him again and again. I was and still am so afraid that I will be alone for the rest of my life. This was and still is a reason I kept coming back even though it hurts so much that he never made a decision to leave. He never made any decision. He is just waiting for it to be easier or for someone else to make a decision. I know I can’t change him. And I know he can’t make me feel worthless and alone. But I have such a hard time moving on from this spot where I am right now. And I have a lot of shame for having this affair for such a long time, for not standing up for myself in terms of just leaving years ago and just hoping he will change and for still feeling not strong enough to stick to my decision.