I have come along way on this thought process but it’s time to put it to rest. I would love Your assistance in helping me break this negative thought cycle and spinning that happens.
I used to work for a company and had a tremendous amount of anxiety working there. My negative thinking created negative results. I realized that, and I did the work, built my confidence, and realized that if I left the company my future and career would not be ruined. My confidence was extremely low and I never felt good-enough in their eyes. I found a better job and fit in a technology company leading a marketing team. I left thinking ‘see, you didn’t appreciate me but I can do this job and flourish.” I did not leave loving everyone (as you suggest).
Here’s the thing – although I left – I always felt like I have to prove them wrong, prove my value, and feel like I have to stay connected because of our very small industry. That I should tie things up in a bow. But this causes me so much anxiety. I have tried a few times to reach out to them and ‘stop bye’ the office or see if we could get together to the things/events we used to do when I was working there. They didn’t respond or always make excuses why it’s not working – it feels hurtful – and it creates anxiety as I start to live in the past on the ‘I should have acted / I wasn’t good at this/’ etc. I found that I became obsessed with social media – checking and asking – did they respond to a post? I got to a place where I stopped contacting them BUT dropped out of social media – because I don’t want to see their pictures and I don’t want to have to comment or expect a comment back – I avoid so I don’t feel. I worry about bumping into them at events because it will be awkward – and I’m not sure what to do? I find that I’m so worried or stuck in this negative spin that I just want to break this thought so I can live my purpose “stand in my own worth. I know its 100% me and my thoughts. Help!