Hi!

I am experiencing an issue regarding sex and the role it plays in relationships and life. I think I have always been aware that one can addicted to sex when they function as buffers and that scared me. For myself, in my interactions with partners, I have always made the distinction between sex without love and sex within a loving relationship. I have experienced both and I think I prefer sex +love.

Now my 12 year old son is asking me a lot of questions about sex, porn, conversations he has with his friends, and masturbating. His questions are bringing up strong feelings of guilt I have around sex and the pleasure inherent in sex, as well as the underlying fear I have had for years of getting addicted to the pleasure of sex (though I was unaware of it!) and how sex has the potential of turning ‘profane’ (I realize now this notion is a thought but have trouble changing it).

These thoughts are not only leaving me stumped for answers to my son’s questions but have been causing me to feel guilty and ashamed about dating and having a relationship with a man who is not my kids’ dad (I am divorced). I feel like my kids will be aware that I am having sex with this man and ask me questions I can’t answer. In the few relationships I explored since my divorce several years ago I hid the physical aspect from my kids and evaded their questions about me having sex. Because of my guilt and shame I ended the relationships and gave up dating. I have been alone for two years now – not a bad thing but I would enjoy having a partner.

Sorry if all this is confusing! I guess I am confused! Would love to get your insight to start unraveling this… thanks in advance!