My sister and I have always been very close, texting multiple times a day and talking daily on the phone. After my mom died last April, she pulled away and said she couldn’t be in a relationship with me if I continued to be in communication with my siblings.

A few weeks before my mom died she cut off communication with all other siblings and wanted me to do the same. When I said no, she said she couldn’t trust me since I continued to be involved with toxic people. She still says she loves me and will send me a weekly text, usually it is a picture of her new granddaughter and no text per say.

I have learned her husband had a heart attack and was in the ICU for days over the holidays and was sad that she chose not to tell me, in the past I would have been her number one support. Anyways, she recently texted that she wanted to try calling so we talked for a few minutes but then she said “I can’t do this”. After she hung up she sent an email that said she can’t have a relationship with me because I sent a letter to our whole family 20 years ago stating I took back my childhood accusations of family abuse. I don’t remember doing that. She doesn’t have the letter but is certain I wrote one.

My husband and I don’t know why I would have done that and we don’t remember me doing that. I also feel like if I had, the rest of my siblings and my mother would not have continued to harass me all these years for an apology and tell me I ruined my family.

It is confusing. I am not sure what to do if someone accuses me of something I don’t remember doing and won’t be in relationship with me any more because of it. Do I jump back into the old family drama and ask people if they remember such a letter or if anyone kept it? Do I ask my sister for more specifics from sister and why me not remembering such a letter now means she can’t trust me? Or do I just continue to state the same and lose a sister who I love so dearly? Trying to make a model:
C: sister states I wrote a letter
T: maybe I am blocking something from my past
F: crazy
A: ruminate about it all day every day,
R: Getting harder to have loving thoughts while I give her space