letting go of emotional holds of the past

Hi Brook,
Love your work and the model. I’m able to apply it to most things and am doing well. Just have one situation that I can’t shake the emotional hold. In brief- a very good friend, about 6 years ago, went crazy after too much booze and was physically aggressive to me and my eldest boy. This upset both my husband and myself greatly and we decided she was not welcome in our lives anymore. Problem is with the lies she told my family and actually had my parents and sister believing her version. I became distant for a number of years from my family after this. My family and I have now patch things up to a point but things will never be the same and this lady is constantly present at significant family functions. I hate being in her presence and despise the fact that she was present in my families life instead of me through lies and manipulation. How can I process such deep seated feelings? I can work the model in theory but struggle to believe the thought.

Model – I should be believe
Circumstance -past dispute
Thought- The past is the past and she was not well, my family knew no better
Feeling – acceptance, love
Action- happier and more comfortable in her presence with my family functions
Result- enjoying the event with my family,

Actual thoughts in head
Circumstance -past verbal and physical assault
Thought- she lied and manipulated my family and they chose her over me
Feeling – hurt, worthless to my family
Action- display anger towards family for continually believing and including her
Result- not attending events continuing a poor situation

I would appreciate a model plan that is somewhat believable or a tip to help make it work
Thank you