Letting go of bitterness and a love that’s better to leave alone

WSo I am divorced. I fell very much in love after my divorce, and the man I was with lied and was with another woman, my husband x husband did the same. I decided to not be with this man he has since gotten back with his x wife but continues to email and text me how much he loves me and I got into a habit of when he expresses he love, I am harsh and cynical, thoughts like “he’s a liar cheater” I love,hate him… I have demonized him, to not let myself feel his love or the love I feel for him….

So I just wrote him off and that was my coping strategy for dealing with that I really want and love a man I feel is a bad choice for me…. It sort of operates in the background every day.

I am with a man now who is good and kind but I’m not in love with. I try to love him and kind of do.

I feel mad and dissatisfied about it…

Last night at dinner my sister in law said to me…. It’s really sad that you are so bitter now. You were never like this before and it’s really sad. I was like whattttttttt????

I didn’t realize that this is an impact, me being bitter coming thru as a way I had been being. (And visible to others)

Most of this was hidden from my view.

I don’t want to be a bitter person,,,,, I felt like I was making so much progress with my thoughts and in scholars. Then I realized that I’m coaching around really being so hurt and mad every day. Do daily models, but never about this.

So I have decided to take this on….

I made my ended relationships mean these guys are assholes liars and cheaters. So now I choose a sweet lovely wonderful man because he’s safe but can’t seem to be in love and I have tried for 18 months.

How can rectify that I love someone, but choose not be with him, but not hate him or want him?

I want to forgive and make peace, but not let his love in. My way has been that I’m nasty and bitter when he says he loves me “yeah ok David, yeah liar, yeahhh whatever….
Its a defense Strategy.

How can I be instead… I’m looking for new better thoughts….

C David with his ex wife but emailing and texting me his love for me daily
T he’s a liar and the devil, not safe, a bad person
F mad, bitter, cynical hopeless to have love again
A block his love with anger, hide from seeing him, not go to my gym
R stay with a man I don’t love because its safe
Not move on…. Not fall in love again people see me as a bitter person

C David with his ex wife but emailing and texting me his love for me daily
T I am better off without David or not being with David is a better choice for me
F disbelief
A stop the hate text response,
R forgive and let go of anger, stop living in fear of seeing him out, maybe open to love again

C David back with his x but texting me that he loves me
T that’s sweet that we have love, he is a person
F more neutral
A let go of some of my bitterness
R move on

C David’s x wife integrated in his life but texting me that he loves me asking me if he can move in with me…
T I am choosing not to be with David
F clear, clean not conflicted
A focus on other things, let go of my bitterness
R move on and not feel like I’m loosing out on the best thing

Can you help me with thoughts that will help me move on? and let this go?

what I really want is to find a great and proper life partner for me.