Letting go of the manual

I’m having an incredibly difficult time letting go of manuals.

Thoughts I am having about it
How can I achieve anything if I have no expectations of myself? Like if I was just “so what?” to everything, what’s the point? 😉
How can I be accountable to myself without a manual? (or I should do this, because I care about myself, I commit to myself etc).
Who will my children be, if I don’t hold them to some standard?
How can I reconcile dreaming about impossible things but also have no desire for anything except for things the way they are?

I need some bridging thoughts or some intermediate thoughts as I feel like I am missing something – maybe something along the lines of not having an attachment to results.

Would appreciate some thoughts or maybe even podcast episode numbers that address this point?

Thank you