Letting him be right or emotional manipulation?


My boyfriend has said multiple times (4-5 times) that I take too long to text him. I’ve been trying hard to improve my text times — I think I’ve improved a lot but he’s still brought it up a couple times since I’ve been actively trying to improve (2-3 times).

Right now, my boyfriend is working in a different state for a week and I’ve been feeling a bit insecure because although I know he’s working on a big project (big $$$ sales deal), his texts have been very infrequent (for him) and brief.

Today, I knew we were both getting up super early, so I sent him a funny picture about waking up early at 7:30 am. He did not answer for 8 hours. I really try to leave him be to do his work and to not be an obnoxious texter, so I waited this 8 hours to text him again. I was nice, he answered quickly (he answered my question and said “Still here but getting out soon”), and I sent this text back:

“Okay, well let me sincerely apologize for all the times I took too long to text you because it sucks. And I know you have a super good reason. I promise I’m not trying to get on your case at all. It’s just a bit eye opening for me while you’re away. I’ve decided that every time I take longer than 20 minutes to answer you, I’m putting a dollar in a jar, and I you know I don’t carry cash, so you can bet your ass I’ll be on top of that from now on.”

I really need some clarity. I’m drawing from Brooke’s podcast on emotional manipulation and also from her podcast on difficult conversations. I listened to both because I’m working on my relationships this month.

On one hand I feel like my text is me trying to let him be right. I want to show that I’m supportive, and trying and that I am willing to be “wrong” to increase connection between us.  On the other hand, I’m worried now, looking at my text, that this is a form of emotional manipulation on my part. I can see how it could be construed as guilting, in which case… I messed up by sending that text.

Then I have a question of whether or not him guilting me to text more is an unintentional attempt at emotional manipulation on his part. Why? Because I sure as hell feel guilty and inadequate when he says that I take forever to answer when I actually am actively trying to improve.

All insight is greatly appreciated. Thank you!