Lichen Sclerosis and intimate relationship

Since a few years I know I’ve a condition called Lichen Sclerosis. Already some years before intercourse with my husband got painful. Initially I got the message: it’s pre menopause, you should see a psychologist etc.

A nurse who did a smear 3 years ago asked me to stay a bit and wait for the gynecologist since she had a doubt. The doctor saw immediate away it was Lichen Sclerosis. I had never heart of it. It means in my case the labia grow together and the entrance to the vagina becomes smaller as the skin shrinks around it. I’ve had surgery last year but it didn’t really change much.

So, I’m happy I have a diagnosis, since it’s clear now. But not so happy with what it means. Before I had my diagnosis we have been in relation therapy (since I had been convinced it might be psycologically although I had no idea in what way, I thought it will not hurt anyway). The typically “tell each other what you want en expect” therapy. I recognized in one of Brooke’s podcasts her opinion on this type (I agree). Then we did an online course with Esther Perell.

But to make a long story short; I feel I can accept ‘what is’. I’m 53 years old, healthy in any other way than this disease. I can accept that it’s bad luck. I can now (after being angry, sad and dissappointed, feeling a victim, it all passed…) imagine an intimate relation with my husband without intercourse. I really, really believe we’re able to connect, be happy with our relationship as I’m now. But my husband was still looking for solutions to have intercourse (my conclusion). He expected to find something that would work. It’s like he now ignores reality now. And the last months it’s becoming a subject that we don’t mention anymore. I’ve tried to start the conversation many times. I’ve offered a book I got from a friend ‘Come as you are’, he said he would read it, but I didn’t hear anything yet.

We have a great relationship otherwise. But this is becoming a topic, issue, that stays between us. I feel that starting another time about it is getting more difficult. I feel I have to be even more careful with how to start the conversation. We are less intimate in any way now, and I don’t like this at all.

T. Our sex life will change
F. Afraid
A. Being less communicative…
R. Less intimate

(other thoughts I had: He might leave me, I’m not as I was before, I’ll never get used to this new situation. Now I’m more accepting).

T. We’ll able to accept what is and find a new way of being intimate
F. Love
A. Talk with each other, discover new ways to connect…
R. A close connection in a new way

Will you give me some feedback on it?