Hello!

I am hoping you can give me some suggestions regarding a relationship issue.

I am letting my past affect my present. I am in a long-term relationship that seems to be getting better every day. My challenge is this: the other person has lied to me in the past. That is a fact that could be proven. The sticking point is that I also thought things were good at that time and I was also being lied to.

So, I’ll have days when I think everything is going great, but then I think about when I was lied to and the mistrust and doubt creep in again. I don’t want to sabotage a current good thing by dredging up the past, but I also don’t want to let my guard down and be lied to again.

It’s very clear that my feelings are coming from my thoughts, because everything is fine until I *think* about the past. At the same time, the fear keeps popping up. So, does that mean I haven’t really dealt with my feelings about the past or do I need bridge thoughts toward just choosing to let it go? Or do I work on a model that says it is OK for me to enjoy the relationship as it is and also be alert to signs of dishonesty?

I would appreciate your guidance or some questions I can ask myself to sort this out a bit more.