Light headed

Hey, I’m back with some follow up questions, I am trying to lose the last 5lbs before my family vacation in a month.

So the last coach asked “if someone offered me a million dollars to lose the weight, what would I think?” and I thought “There is NO way I will not achieve this goal.” And I took actions accordingly.

Anyway, the night before last my dinner was “too small.” It was leftovers and I thought there was more than there was, but I didn’t feel fully satisfied. When I woke up the next morning I was STARVING, and my protocol includes fasting until 2pm. So, I broke the fast in the morning because I felt tired, starving, light-headed (and yes, irritable). This morning the scale is up a pound. Now I’m having all sorts of thoughts.

C Broke fast early
T I can’t achieve my goal without engaging in disordered eating (ie: being starving and light headed)
F Resistance / constriction in body
A I start having little cheats on protocol, tell myself this is unsustainable, buffer over the feeling of resistance and the fear of not achieving goal
R I don’t hit my goal and I believe my disordered thinking

But really, the obstacle that was in the problem is that I felt “starving and light headed”

C Feeling of hunger and light-headedness
T I need to eat right now
F Desire to eat
A Ate (on protocol food, just early in the day)
R I ate right then

But maybe I don’t have to make that a problem, either

C Ate at 8am instead of 2pm
T I shouldn’t have done that, I should be able to manage feelings of hunger – it really wasn’t a life or death emergency
F Failure
A I have other little cheats throughout the day because I feel down on myself, start to feel disappointed, wonder what will happen if I don’t hit my goal I’ll be so sad, wonder if I should “hunker down” and “make this happen”
R I go back into the diet/shame cycle

I guess my next steps would be to make a) the feeling of hunger not a problem, and b) the fact that I broke fast early not a problem, either. I know that criticizing myself for these things isn’t helpful. But, now I feel like my thoughts are getting all like “what if you don’t hit your goal before vacation?”, and that’s making me disappointed ahead of time. I can see that isn’t helpful.