I really often find myself struggling to know if I am liking my reasons, so that I am not sure if I got what liking my reasons really mean.
C: Ate lunch, both from hunger and from desire. Bloated belly.
T: I want to work out
Now I look at my reasons to do this. The fear of putting on fat is one of my core fears. I have a history of having restricted and overdesired food.
Then why do I want to exercise?
1 – to minimize the chance to putting on fat
2 – to avoid missing out on the gratification of the next meal (given my bloating, I would not let myself have a full meal next. Said otherwise, if I kept the usual portions without accounting for my bloating, I would be experiencing worry shame doubt during and after food)
3 – I am feeling my negative emotions, but I’d like to make them move and physical exercise has the ability shifts energy
Now, do I like these reasons? How do I know.. let’s pick “1 – to minimize the chance to putting on fat”. I guess I don’t like this reason because it is fear-based and it does not make me smile thinking about it.
Ok what to do then? How does this help me? Is it me not liking my reason a sign / a good enough reason to not do the action (= to refrain from taking the action)?
Or do I need to go further and ask myself why don’t I like this reason?
If I do, then I get “because the image I get of me is of someone superficial focused on irrelevant stuff”. So here there is the belief that wanting to minimize fat makes me a superficial person. Then here I could tell myself this is just a thought (a belief) and seeing it for what it is, not something true.
“C”: I want to exercise to minimize the chance to putting on fat
T: doing things from this reason makes me more of a superficial person focused on trivial stuff
– – shaming myself more by comparing myself to others, imagining how other people exercise from true desires
– – keep analysing and doubting myself while exercising
– – telling myself I haven’t acted responsibly for having subtracted time from work for this reason -> distracted from work
R: I get lost in this cloud of thought and I do not focus on relevant stuff
Given this model i could stop and not exercise. Or I could start challenging this belief, “maybe wanting to minimize fat can be a good reason and I dont have to make it mean that I am superficial”, and so I could build an intentional model that lead me to exercising from a positive reason.
When I do this, if I do it, doubt is still there, and I get triggered by voices telling me that by doing so I am using coaching to talk myself into things, ie. I am using thought work to justify a fear-based action, keep the action (exercising) in place and avoiding the discomfort of growth…
These are also thoughts which I could keep questioning… but where to stop then? if we continue this way it feels to me that one gets lost in a sea of judgments which are all questionable, and I cannot find something to anchor my choice to.
Again here my question, what does it mean to liking your reasons and how can we figure it out? After becoming aware of all my meanings, then what?
Thanks a lot for clarifying. This feels really crucial to me.